She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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