I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize