So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
