so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize