i jhust puked up my retainher.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
