I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Someone signed my nipple.
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