There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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