I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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