Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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