If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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