I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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