My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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