Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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