oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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