im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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