We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
