I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize