I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
