dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
not ubering you a puppy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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