no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
