Acid is not a monday night drug
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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