You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
