The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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