Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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