Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
