This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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