you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
false alarm, still single
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
