Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
thus making me awesome and them whores
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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