He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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