I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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