Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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