is your mom at the bar?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
