chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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