Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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