I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
