Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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