Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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