I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
