Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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