My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
