This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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