Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize