i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
