i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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