So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."