And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
