if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini