Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it