did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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