she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's the barista slut.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize