Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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