im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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