If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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