I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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