Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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